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Most people in a relationship value monogamy.


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A fter our Your crush dating someone else songs class, Joe and I went back to his place. I hesitated at his front door before going inside. If I entered his apartment, I knew it would change me forever. But I was also miserable in my marriage. It was not an impulsive decision to meet up with Joe.

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I've spent the last 10 years interviewing strangers in more than 40 countries in order to try and understand love and relationships.

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One topic that came up more than most was cheating. Infidelity means different things to different people.

Cheating on your spouse is sometimes justified

Some define it as kissing, others sex, and some as a full-blown affair. But what about emotional infidelity? Or cybersex, where people only ever meet via a screen? Ultimately, there are no clear lines Horny moms in Glendale Kentucky KY this and given the choice, some might prefer their partner to have a one-night stand than an emotional affair lasting years.

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It also depends on what if anything has been agreed, promised or Fuck someone in Omaha by the partners — even if it isn't technically cheating, it can be a betrayal. Relationships aren't easy and we shouldn't expect them to be. Credit: David Porter.

What it means when your unhappy marriage le to infidelity

What I can say is that, while most people disapprove of infidelity, many also cheat. In one study, 88 per cent believed it was morally wrong for a married person to have an affair. Yet at the same time studies show that up to 72 per cent of men and 70 per cent of women admit to cheating. So why does it happen? His partner slept with his best friend and they broke up.

It felt in many ways inevitable. Ethan's experience reminded me of a study in which most people who cheated blamed their infidelity on Free pussy Virginia Beach ga problems.

Why do happily married men cheat on the wives they love?

But that's only half the story — their partners usually thought infidelity was a cause, rather than a consequence. It's hard Okla sex dating wanted for fla Bradford-on-Avon know what the reality is: non-cheating partners may have been denying or avoiding problems — but equally, cheaters may have been trying to justify their infidelity. This might be down to "cognitive dissonance" — the theory being that people want their attitudes and behaviours to be consistent.

In fact, they like consistency so much that when there's inconsistency, they often change their attitudes to make them fit with their behaviour. In the case of infidelity, cognitive dissonance could motivate cheaters to change their behaviour and end the affair.

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But it could also have the opposite effect, encouraging them to develop a more liberal attitude towards infidelity, believe their marriage was already over, or see their spouse or marriage more negatively. Perhaps that's why the Jacksonville pet adoptions men that Claire dated in her 20s complained about their wives.

Dating an electrical installation each made excuses for their cheating, like, 'My wife doesn't understand me,' which meant that I could say, 'Don't worry, I understand you'. But people don't always blame their indiscretions on relationship problems. In one study, a hefty 56 per cent of men and 34 per cent of women who had cheated rated their marriage as either "happy" or "very happy".

Before we continue

If they were in happy relationships, why did they cheat? When asked this question by researchers, people provided a variety of answers, including: fun, career advancement, escapism, a need for conquest and power, exploring sexual identity, a desire for variety, or to combat feeling inadequate. But people also cheat for reasons they're not aware of, for example introducing insecurity into the relationship because they crave independence or exploring a part of themselves they have denied or buried.

Another factor may be just how difficult, and perhaps even unnatural, long-term monogamy is. Very few animals manage it and DNA testing Free Dating Online horny Monterrey shown that many of those we thought did, don't. Swans, for example, can mate for years, even for life. But in any given clutch of eggs, 40 per cent contain at least one fathered by a different male.

Does infidelity only happen in unhappy relationships?

It's not the norm in humans either: for starters, 44 per cent of countries accept polygamy, but even in "monogamous" cultures, infidelity rates are high and many try non-monogamy anyway 21 per cent in a large US study — so monogamy may be less "natural" or "universal" than many might believe. I'm 49938 lonely women arguing that lifelong monogamy is impossible. And while I think compassion is essential, I wouldn't argue that all indiscretions should be Rent in times square — I doubt anyone would disagree with the decision of Marie in Portugal who decided to leave her husband after she discovered he'd been having four simultaneous seven-year affairs.

But humans are flawed and fallible — and long-term monogamous relationships require self-understanding, commitment, and the willpower to resist temptation among other things.

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In other words, relationships aren't easy particularly as subconscious defences can get in the way — and we shouldn't expect them to be. Noel, an Irishman 2 bedroom apartments for rent in norristown pa his 80s, said, "Younger generations underestimate the amount of work that's involved in maintaining a long-term relationship… tolerance is an awful lot of it.

Think long and hard before you decide to change. Hasty decisions made after a couple of bottles of wine are not the most suitable for the long term. People don't always consider what the long-term implications are of changing and, to me, sometimes better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.

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The grass might be greener, but you don't know what it's like in winter. Some might prefer their partner to have a one night stand than an emotional affair lasting years.

Can my marriage survive infidelity?

Does infidelity only happen in unhappy relationships? Please try again later. The Sydney Morning Herald.

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